“if you want to be reborn let yourself die
if you want to be given everything, give everything up” tao
C a n c e r.
9000 miles.
Three months.
Two wheels and two legs.
A great niece who is no longer in this plane. An ordinary man facing an extra ordinary feat.
In mid July, I found myself in the kitchen at Crane Hot Springs in Eastern Oregon in front of two men. One who was a documentarian and the other a man cycling across America.
The conversation was rich, deep and lovingly familiar, though we had just met a few minutes ago.
The conversation turned to Peter Halper, the cyclist. A mid fifties, gentle faced father, grandfather with a heart the size of his state of Wisconsin.
He told me that there was a deep well of grief within him that nearly exploded like striking flint to fire while he was in the church where they were laying to rest his great niece of three years. He wanted to scream he said. He wanted to let it out in the solemn procession.
Instead he began to turn the grief and sadness into action. In 2020 he would run a marathon or more a day across America to raise awareness and create a fund in “Emery’s” memory for childhood cancer, specifically neuroblastoma. That is 114 marathons in total, like a one a day endurance-slow release vitamin for humanity.
It wasn’t enough, though. He had much, much more offerings.
He decided to cycle across America three times in succession over three consecutive months for each year that Emery graced this world.
I asked him if he had a Physio on his three month journey? A Soigneur to work his legs and body after each day’s ride? “Ahh no, I don’t,” he followed.
“Let me work on you to keep your legs fresh,” I said.
Surprised at the offer and yet, graciously accepted, we found a fast bond amongst the three of us.
Drew the documentarian had his own story of loss and renewal during the last few years. He heard the gift of a message from God to go on his own and follow his heart.
Six weeks ago he met Peter and he found his reason to step out and over the threshold of new beginnings. He left his wife and 4 children to get on the road for three months to document Peters extraordinary escapade. So this begins his body of work to bring Love into the world through real world examples.
During the massage session we spoke of Men-ship and leadership from within. We found connection through the experiences of the unwitting, uncontrollable bodily emotional releases of trauma and the support of others to hold us in regard, in a safe container: A way to work the roughness out of our lived experiences. Healing.
There are men and then, there are men in deep Belief in their Faiths with an open heart. They are examples of love and compassion built in service of others. No healing exists without a strong Spiritual foundation. In my clinical practice those who found fruit in the persistency of painful conditions turned to notions of how believing was more than doing. It was like a steel girder that propped them up hard and fast, unwavering and unconquerable to any notions of failure. They in fact made healing a journey.
Love without insistence. Honor without judgement.
It is what matters.
It is beyond our sometimes myopic lives to comprehend that Peters quest is nothing more than a movement into Love.
One heart beat at a time,
One pedal stroke at a time ,
One mile at a time.
That is what keeps him motivated in the times when the fatigue, monotony and weary drown the exuberance and joy of the good that comes from his grand effort.
I left my home, stability and illusion of security of a thirty year clinical career to now live the life my beloved and I were meant for. It has been a nomadic life journey. A journey that began in 2021 and a continent a part from my Zabeth. This moment in time has allowed me to venture along the roadways and bi-ways of my America. The one I am coming to know more deeply through the men that I have met along the way. Deeply loving and hearted souls who seek the simple and kind murmurings of life’s embrace.
It is these unique and “meant to be” crossing of Men in my life that I continually return to the person that I always was…. perfect in every way. It is a loving and firmly held boundary of “no holds barred” notions of my time, my life now. As Brene Brown says “Healthy Boundaries are the highest form of Compassion.” We know what we want, experienced the trials and pitfalls many times over to move on and let go without attachment to the outcome. We make no concessions and we take life as it arrives at our feet. Gone are the days of these kind hearted men who would stay in the sameness and false sense of security that life offered. Instead they moved with motivation touched by their faith and belief in God and awakened within them notions of J Krishnamurti’s beautiful few words of: : Be a light unto yourself.”
I let go of relationships that did not serve me nor love me without judgement. I Let go of a job that burned me dry. It was a place that lay fallow too long to be resurrected. I let go eventually to any notions that I can remain the same person and live a better more whole life. I could not.
“everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made.
If you want a different result, make a different choice”
Meeting Peter and Drew has been a poignant touchstone to re-mind myself to always lead with love. I imagine we will stay connected long after Peter has completed his “Swim across the English Channel! ( wink wink) and Drew has published his fourth docu series! ( why not give it love and encouragement)
These two men are changing the destiny for others, changing worlds one moment at a time. For that I am ever grateful.
Lastly,
Here is his Foundation’s website and Drews documenting Peters journey with his son driving SAG.
https://www.emerysmemoryfoundation.com/
May you be moved to send a shout out or offer a few sheckles? If you find that you are close to his path take a moment and “egg” him on!!
It is all Energy and all this kindness amounts to a high vibration of Love. There is no other emotion higher nor more healing than Love in our humanity. It is infectious and it rebounds back to you one hundred fold or more.
Blessings and Namaste
As Peter's wife for more than three decades, I want to thank you for the depth of connection that you both shared in such a brief, unexpected encounter. Your love and kindness were truly soul-filling. I hope I may have the opportunity to meet you one day.
Terry, you have a gift with words. You words took me on a journey to that moment not long ago that we met. Thank you for connecting. Thank you for loving. Thank you for expressing thoughts about what it means to be a man in the world we currently live in. Love you brother.