Not your Normal Christmas Cheer Post
On SAD, finding the cure of my struggle of Holiday and CALLING on CERTAIN MEN
This is a posting I placed in my Mens Group this morning on Christmas Eve as they were chiming in to say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas… It touched me and reminded me of the pain of the Holiday not just mine but of others who grieve during this month.
This is what transpires when we sit in solitude without any distraction, the allowing to feel as Men and connect as Men.
I will admit that this has been a very, very hard time for me. Always has since I was a child. Birthdays, Holidays are not my world of comfort and Joy. On top of this I have dealt with the Affective Seasonal strain of life. The time change like clockwork tilts my neurochemistry in my pituitary/pineal/adrenal/cardiac myocite world. It is definite and it is oppressive and when I am not aware, I wonder what the F$ck is happening to my mood in life.
Loss of solar intensity and the “conditions” of Holiday merriment is my cudgel during these times.
I have cured myself mostly from this seasonal struggle by changing my order of the world and stepping out of the authorities who decided we needed to live in the “Spirit” of giving.
What do I have to Give and Why?
I look at comfort and peace as not in giving a gift on two specific days. I see life as gifts everyday in small numerations or smiles or a book or thing that someone I know loves and would find appreciating...to receive. As I awaken more deeply, the only story and direction of how I Love into the world during the Holidays is to every day, 365 when I am compelled to Love you it will show. That is Holiday everyday. This group, these interactions, the things I see deeply in the people in my life, and of everyday individuals...that is the gift of holidays for me... So while this sounds a bit offensive to the "Spirit" of Holidays and all the traditions...It is just a one time expression of what I have always felt and never expressed.
"Trust-Let Go-Let God-One Being-One Body-One Soul"
My life is made by my thoughts and actions.
This is a conscious decision on my part to ask Pure Consciousness to put the Spiritual light beings and beam em down from wherever on a precise date of their urging, of wanting connection, even if not conscious it remains to be said it matters less what we think and more about what we want to manifest consciously. So I know that each of you thinks inwardly-introspective and desiring connection differently that the world codifies.
I never intended to meet you as you are in body and shape and size. I am seeking Spirit and Soul and Heart center as the Maxim.
It is my want this Vision for Humanity and the necessity to greet others of like minds who carry the ethic to accountability, vulnerability as Men in the most Divine Way. That is a REAL Man.
I have spent many nights considering this... So, you are showing yourselves to me as I travel my life and I cannot say how and when, I only know that it will happen. I am clear and have cleared away the brush and bramble we get stuck in, emotionally triggered into to filing ourselves away from our own true Brilliance.
This is what I see in each man in my life, the TRUE GENIUSES that you are, even if you yourself do not recognize it fully...It is not tangible...just a Felt sense.
I want to continue to surround myself and yourselves in the kind of Men-ship that sees the Divine in You as well as the Feminine. I will never allow this trip wire of deception of separation of false narratives out in this world to label or box us into a tight corner where our only choice is to come out fighting in one way or another.
It is a deep and profound Thank You to be a witness to my being recognized by you and for meeting the hearts of such warm Men in my Life.
You are just showing up once you hop off the Mothership and we happen to connect.
It is Sagrada.
Blessings and Namaste,
t
This post is hugely appreciated and has inspired me to record something I have been feeling and enduring but have held back. The more open I am in public settings, I am finding not everyone finds the merriment in this season. Their is a lot of trauma, body memories and isolation that we do not realize is endemic to the holiday. I have been struggling a great deal this year because this is the time of year that I endured being sexually abused by a visiting family member. Thank you for your honesty, strength and vulnerability.